


You Deserve The World

by ProdigyBlood



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Cheating, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Kenny being a sweetheart, M/M, Marjorine - Freeform, POV Kenny, POV Kyle Broflovski, Romance, Stan’s an ass, Starts as Style but quickly becomes K2, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-23 08:11:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14328258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProdigyBlood/pseuds/ProdigyBlood
Summary: “This story isn’t about Stan Marsh and me. Well, I mean, it totally is, but it’s more about how our whirlwind romance came to an end and I finally found happiness elsewhere. Sorry if I made you root for us but, you know what? This is my story and I’ll mess with you if I want.So yeah, this story is about how Stan Marsh broke my heart and how Kenny McCormick glued it back together again.”





	1. Kyle

**Author's Note:**

> I do ship Style, don’t get me wrong. But, for the sake of this, Stan’s a bit of an ass. Well, he’s a teenager who screws up. He’s also an ass :P 
> 
> So if you’re here for Style you’re probably in the wrong place. If you want K2 then keep reading. 
> 
> I don’t usually write in first person so hopefully it came out alright. The second half (when I get round to writing it) will be from Kenny’s POV

When Stan Marsh woke me up in the middle of the night only hours before the science fair, initially I was pissed. For one, goddamnit, I’d been having a good dream! Like, Jesus Christ, a _really_ good one, if you catch my drift. Secondly, and probably more importantly, Stan Marsh hadn’t snuck in through my bedroom window in years. Seriously, we barely even spoke to each other anymore. He was a jock and I a nerd. He was going to college on a sports scholarship and I was heading towards valedictorian with my scholarship being of the academic variety. He was dating Wendy Testaburger, one of the most popular girls in school, and I was dating… well, no one. I didn’t date. Dating got in the way of education. My future was more important than a few bullshit emotions. Or so I liked to tell myself. 

“What are you doing here?” I asked groggily, drooping an arm across my eyes to try and block out his infuriatingly blinding torch light. 

“I wanted to see you.” I knew instantly something was up. We may not have spoken since we finished junior high but he was still the person I knew best in the world. He couldn’t have hidden the crack in his voice even if he’d wanted to. I sat up in bed, instantly awake. 

“What’s up, dude?” I asked, suddenly not caring that this intruder hadn’t been my friend in three years. Nor did I care that, while his foot may have never personally tripped me, he still laughed with his friends when I face planted in the hallways between classes. 

“I broke up with Wendy,” he said, sitting down on my bed like we were ten again, his dark hair falling into his hands as his head flopped down in defeat. Like when we were children, I crawled from my covers and, more hesitantly than I would have once, wrapped an arm around his shoulders. 

“Again?” I couldn’t help but ask. Seriously, I’d be more concerned if the pair somehow managed to create a lasting relationship without the turmoil of breaking up and getting back together every five minutes. “You’ll be back together before you know it.”

“It’s different this time,” Stan argued, much like he always used to after their breakups. Hell, he probably still did, but I’d long since lost my place as confidant. Until now, it seemed. Maybe he hadn’t been able to get hold of any of his friends? I only lived next door; I was probably a last resort. After all, it was three AM. Any sensible person would be sleeping. I wished _I_ was still sleeping. You can bet I was starting to feel a little pissed at being woken for a stupid breakup of all reasons. 

“If you say so,” I said sleepily, patting his back slightly. “Look, not that it isn’t nice that you’re here, Stan, but I’ve got school tomorrow – ”

“-It’s Saturday tomorrow, nitwit.”

I rolled my eyes at the pathetic insult. “It’s the science fair.”

“Ah yeah. Still a nerd then, Mr Valedictorian?”

“Still an ass, Mr ‘I-cried-for-a-week-when-Lambtron-died-in-Chinpokomon’?” 

“Hey!” Stan shoved me playfully and I stuck my tongue out, suddenly feeling very much like we’d been thrown back in time to when we were still ‘super best friends’ and everything was right in the world. “You asked for it!” He grabbed my hands, pushing me onto my back and pinning them above me with one hand while he used the other to tickle me. Again, I felt myself thrown back to younger, happier times. 

“Uncle!” I gasped out through my laughter, squirming in his hold, my cheeks burning and, no doubt, a truly attractive tomato red. 

Stan stilled his evil fingers, leaving them resting on my abdomen as he grinned down at me from where he hovered above, pinning me underneath him. Now that I was no longer being pleasantly tortured, the realisation that he was on top of me hit me like a slap to the face. I felt my cooling cheeks burn once more. As desperately as I wished otherwise, I’d always had a thing for Stan. And now, here he was, far more handsome than he had any right to be, straddling me on my bed. I think he realised our positions just a few seconds after I did, as he was suddenly releasing my wrists and rolling off of me. He didn’t scoot away as I’d expected, though. His head came to a rest beside mine on the pillow. I rolled on my side to face him and he mirrored me. I’d almost forgotten how much I missed those beautiful blue eyes. 

For a while neither of us said anything. Our eyes explored each other in the dim light, familiarising themselves with features they hadn’t seen at more than a glance in so very long. Almost out of habit, Stan reached out and lightly tugged at one of my sleep matted curls. My traitorous breath hitched. 

“Why did you never tell me?” Stan asked, keeping my curl locked around his finger. 

“Tell you what?” I asked, swallowing my heart that had somehow found its way into my throat.

“That you were gay.” _Ah._ So this was about my finally coming out a couple of days ago. I knew news would spread quickly, as it always did in high school, but I certainly didn’t expect house calls from old friends who felt betrayed that they hadn’t been privy to my long-held secret. When I had come out, it had been to Butters, David, Kevin and Heidi, AKA my closest friends. I wondered which one of them had said something to someone to start the rumour mill. It was probably Butters.

“Does it matter?” I asked, dropping my gaze. It was too hard to look at him now. _Of course_ I’d never told Stan. He’d have asked if I fancied anyone and there was no way I could have admitted that it had always been him I wanted to be with. 

“I thought we told each other everything.” Stan sounded betrayed. It made me feel bad even though it shouldn’t. We hadn’t been close for a long time, and he was the one who ditched me in favour of cooler kids. I owed him nothing. 

“Maybe once, but not in a long time.”

“I’m sorry.” The words surprised me enough that I met his gaze again. 

“What for?”

“Ditching you. We were meant to be friends forever.” I could tell he meant it, too. Damn it, there went the butterflies in my stomach, flapping around like nobodies goddamn business!

“People grow apart,” I said, trying to sound indifferent. Yes, people grow apart but Stan and I were never meant to. Like he himself just said, we were meant to be together forever. 

“I thought the four of us would always be friends,” Stan admitted and I felt my heart sink. I wasn’t special; he missed the whole gang. Stan’s leaving had been what had torn us apart. With him gone, it hadn’t taken Cartman and Kenny long to follow. 

“Everyone thinks that at the time,” I said. “You can’t stop people from changing, though.”

“Sometimes I wish we could.” I didn’t have an answer to that so I stayed silent. We were quiet so long I felt my body growing heavy with sleep again. What Stan said next sure woke me, though. “I broke up with Wendy because of you.”

My body tensed. I didn’t even dare breathe. I was certain I must have heard him incorrectly. There was no way he just said what I thought he said. 

“Kyle?”

“Um…” I didn’t know what to say, how to react. Was this a prank? Had I simply misunderstood his meaning? 

Stan reached out again, his fingers brushing against my cheek. I flinched away, feeling instantly guilty as I caught the hurt in his eyes. 

“What are you saying?” I managed to croak out, forcing the words past the lump in my throat. 

“I just… As soon as I heard, I was struck by what a massive fucking idiot I’ve been these last few years. I dunno, man, I heard and then it was like I couldn’t get you off my brain. Telling Wendy I wanted to break up was kinda a slip of the tongue but, as soon as the words were out, I realised how relieved I was and then all I wanted was to see you. So here I am.”

“Jesus,” I breathed out. My heart was pounding in my chest, actually hammering away like it wanted to smash free and hide under the bed or something. “Are you saying you… like me?” I could hardly choke the words out. It was more than I dared hope. 

Stan looked at me for a long while. “I think so, yeah,” he said finally. He tugged nervously at the collar of his black hoody. “Um, so what do you think?”

“What do I think about what?” I asked dumbly. My brain was just a puddle of goo by this point. I couldn’t make heads nor tails of the situation. 

“Ah… Well, do you like me back?” 

“You’ve been a prize dick to me for the last three years,” I somehow managed to say despite my traitorous fucking mind screaming ‘yes, yes! I fucking love you!’ 

“I know,” he said, his gaze lowering, dejected. He obviously thought I was rejecting him and my panicked brain couldn’t handle the thought of him suddenly coming to his senses and realising what a lucky escape he’d had, so it forced me to do the first thing it thought of. Shuffle foreword and press my lips against his chin. Seriously, his fucking chin! I think I’d been aiming for the lips, but I was such a nervous wreck by that point that I’d have probably missed again if he hadn’t taken charge. 

With a throaty chuckle he said, “I guess that means you _do_ like me back. Called it.” Before I could answer, his lips found mine and suddenly we were doing what I had fantasised about for so many years. 

But, enough about that. This story isn’t about Stan Marsh and me. Well, I mean, it totally is, but it’s more about how our whirlwind romance came to an end and I finally found happiness elsewhere. Sorry if I made you root for us but, you know what? This is my story and I’ll mess with you if I want. 

So yeah, this story is about how Stan Marsh broke my heart and how Kenny McCormick glued it back together again. And, without further ado… 

 

Things with Stan started well. Honestly, I believed when we went to school the following Monday he wouldn’t acknowledge me at all. I thought I’d be his dirty little secret but instead, he surprised me. He came right up to me and kissed me on the lips in front of everyone. Of course, after that, it only took an hour for everyone to know. And I do mean everyone. Most people were really nice about it, though Wendy and her friends gave me all sorts of stank eyes. 

Stan sat with me for lunch. He was even polite to my friends despite the fact that they stared uneasily at him for the entire duration. 

Things stayed good for close to six months. They were, at the time, the best six months of my life. I was happy and it didn’t matter that my grades were slipping just that minuscule amount because I had Stan in my life and he more than made up for the occasional A instead of A+. 

Even when I look back now, I’m still not sure when things started to disintegrate. We went from never fighting to arguing maybe once a month, to twice a month, to small fights nearly always weekly. Stan became distant, always busy with something or other. We saw less of each other and I didn’t know what I’d done wrong. 

Kenny came back into my life shortly after Stan started to pull away, maybe seven months into our relationship. I was standing outside Bijou, waiting for Stan. We were meant to be having a date night, so I’d bought tickets to some crappy action film he’d been wanting to see. He was late and I was starting to worry that we’d miss the start of the film when my phone buzzed. 

_Practise is running late. Rain check. Sorry x_

I groaned. It wasn’t the first time he’d done this but at least the last time he’d given me some warning. I could have saved myself a few bucks. Now I’d wasted my money _and_ been stood up. Feeling dejected, I turned to leave when I spotted a familiar person lumbering along, hands in pockets, humming to himself. 

Not wanting to be rude, I waved, expecting nothing of it. Surprisingly, Kenny smiled and headed over. His shaggy, too long blond hair was pinned away from his face with a couple of colourful bobby pins and had pink streaks in it. I think his little sister wanted to be a hairdresser or something and Kenny couldn’t refuse her puppy dog eyes. Either way, he rocked the look in a way a lot of guys wouldn’t. It was probably his confidence and his ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude. 

“Hey dude,” he said when he was close enough. “Seeing a movie?”

“Not anymore.” I gave a halfhearted shrug, trying to pretend I didn’t give a damn about being stood up for the second time that month. Kenny’s brow furrowed. 

“Stan stand you up?”

“Practise ran over,” I said as if it were no big deal. My voice betrayed me. Kenny’s frown deepened but if he had anything to say, he didn’t voice it. 

“I’m sorry, dude,” was all he said. 

“It’s fine. I didn’t want to see the film anyway.”

Kenny ran a hand through his locks. He was a lot taller than I remembered him being, I barely passed his shoulders. “You sure? You look a little disappointed.”

“Well yeah,” I admitted. “My boyfriend blew me off.”

Kenny chuckled. “Yeah, I guess that does suck.” He grinned impishly, his childish nature shining through as he realised the unintentional innuendos in both our statements. I rolled my eyes and pushed his shoulder as he winked at me. 

Although we’d drifted apart, Kenny was the sort of guy who was friends with everyone. I’m not sure he had anyone close to him, the sort of person he could confine in (before I came along, anyway) but he was on good terms with literally everyone in South Park. That is not an overstatement. Seriously, the guy talked to _everyone._ Because of that, talking to him properly after all those years apart was easy, natural even. It made me realise just how much I missed him. 

“You know what? If you’re not busy, wanna catch the film?” I found myself asking before I could stop myself. I instantly regretted it. Of course he was busy. He’d just stopped to be polite but I’d probably caught him in the middle of something or other. It was pretty rude to assume he was free. 

“I thought you didn’t want to see it?” Kenny arched an eyebrow but he was still smiling so that was something, at least. 

“I don’t,” I shrugged, “but I’ve already paid for the damn tickets.”

Kenny laughed loud and hearty. “Dude, never buy the tickets before your date arrives. That’s pretty standard.”

“Your date isn’t meant to stand you up when you’ve been going out for seven months, though,” I pointed out. 

“True. I don’t have any cash to pay you back, man.”

“My treat. Does that mean you’re interested?” 

Kenny’s blue eyes, so alike and yet so different to Stan’s, sparkled and he pulled a lazy arm around my shoulder. “Wouldn’t miss hanging out with my favourite homo,” he said, already dragging me inside the cinema. “Tell you what, I’ll get us popcorn.”

“I thought you didn’t have any money,” I said. 

“I don’t.” He grinned manically and slouched off to the concessions stand, leaving me watching him in amusement as he leaned over to talk to Jason White who was working behind it. Although I couldn’t hear the words exchanged, I got the gist of it. 

When Kenny returned, he was holding a large popcorn and two sodas. 

“He owed me a favour.” Kenny shrugged and my eyebrow cocked. 

“Oh really?” I teased. “So you didn’t promise to blow him after his shift ended?”

Kenny looked surprised before laughing shamelessly. “You got me. My reputation precedes me.” 

“I’m more surprised about Jason, I thought he was straight,” I admitted as I followed Kenny through to the cinema screen. Because it was such a shitty action film, most of the seats were empty. We took a pair near the back, in the middle, giving us the best view of the screen. 

“He is.”

“Clearly,” I said, chuckling. “I guess the rumours are true then.”

“What rumours would they be?” 

“That you give the best blowjobs in South Park.”

“Ah, _those_ rumours. Yeah, definitely true. Wanna find out?” He was teasing, his playful wink was proof enough of that. I punched his shoulder. “Ouch, man. You could’ve just said no.”

“No.”

“You break my heart. You’ll be the only person in South Park I haven’t ticked off my list soon.”

“I think your ego needs it to stay that way.” I couldn’t help but wonder whether that meant he’d hooked up with Stan. I was pretty certain I wasn’t the first guy he’d been with, judging by how experienced he’d seemed the first time we fucked. I couldn’t bring myself to ask, though. My fragile heart couldn’t take it, even though it would have been before we were together.

“Cold, man.” He pouted. 

As the trailers started playing, Kenny dug a fistful of popcorn out and began munching loudly. As I turned to glare at him, he flicked a popped kernel into my face. 

I loved my current friends with all my heart but, God, I had missed hanging out with Kenny. 

By the time we left the cinema, we had already made plans to go again the following weekend. I had a feeling Stan would be too busy to care much. And, you know what? Screw him. If he wanted to be a distant asshole then fine. I wasn’t going to wallow over it. I was going to go out and have fun.

 

Stan stopped eating lunch with me in favour of ‘hanging out with the guys’ but his empty seat was quickly filled by Kenny who fit in with my group of friends way more than Stan ever had. 

People usually assumed Kenny was a bit of an airhead; a stoner and a flirt with not much else going on. He quickly proved to my friends that wasn’t the case, keeping up conversations with David in both English and Spanish and figuring out several of Heidi’s math homework questions in the time she paused to eat a sandwich. 

“You should join mathletes ,” Heidi said, impressed. 

“Just got lucky,” he said casually, with an innocent shrug. I snorted. Luck had nothing to do with it, but I knew the last thing Kenny would want was to join mathletes. Even _I_ wasn’t interested in that, it was more Heidi and David’s thing. I preferred computer class and Butters was always hanging around the art room. None of us were what you could call ‘cool’ which I think had bothered Stan. Kenny seemed completely unfazed. Then again, Kenny was the sort of person who could afford to hang out with whomever he wanted without it affecting his reputation. Stan wasn’t so lucky; I was aware his friends had started to tease him which was probably part of the reason he’d ditched us. Only _part_ of the reason, though, I was sure. 

“Hey, Kenny, are you coming to Eric’s later?” Butters asked, surprising me. I mean, I knew they both still spoke to Eric Cartman but it had never occurred to me that that meant they probably hung out on occasion. 

“I’ll probably show my face, yeah,” Kenny said, giving my blond friend an easy smile. “Kyle, you should come.”

“Yes, you should!” Butters agreed enthusiastically. “Oh boy, it would be like old times, huh, fellas? Maybe Stan could come too?”

I rolled my eyes at the suggestion. “There’s no way Stan would want to hang out with the fatass and I’m not sure I want to either. Hell, Cartman probably wouldn’t want me anywhere near his place anyway.”

“Actually, I think Eric misses you both,” Butters said. That didn’t seem likely to me. 

“Aw, come on Ky,” Kenny pouted, “come with us. It’ll be fun, promise~” 

And so, that’s how I found myself experiencing another blast from the past as I joined Kenny and Butters and went round Eric Cartman’s for the first time in years. 

It wasn’t half bad, either. We easily slipped back into the roles we’d once held, Cartman and I at each other’s throats as if nothing had changed. We played video games, drank beer (well, I had a soda. I wasn’t much of a drinker.) and just talked about life. I noticed things I hadn’t before, like how Cartman had lost a lot of weight and finally looked healthy. How Butters wore coloured polish on his neatly filed nails (seriously, I sat with him every day at lunch and yet it took hanging out with the old gang for me to notice! Man, I sucked as a friend.). How Kenny and Cartman bickered like they were brothers. How Cartman kept glancing over at Butters and how the blond pretended not to notice, though his cheeks stayed a constant flushed pink. 

“See you next week, fag?” Cartman asked as I left with Kenny some hours later. Despite the insult, I smiled, pleased by the invitation I hadn’t expected to get and hadn’t realised I’d wanted. 

“Wouldn’t miss it, fatass.”

“Ay! Shut yeh goddamn Jew mouth!” He flashed me a grin. 

“See, that wasn’t all bad.” Kenny nudged me as we walked down the dark street. We walked slowly. Cartman’s was only a couple houses up from mine and neither of us were ready to say goodbye. 

“It really wasn’t,” I admitted, not even glancing up as we passed Stan’s. We stopped at the end of my driveway and I wondered whether it was too late to invite him in. 

“I better get back home,” Kenny said before I could ask him. At that moment I didn’t understand why my heart sank. “I promised Karen I’d be home before she fell asleep.”

“Such a good big brother,” I teased, although his over protectiveness towards his little sister was one of my favourite things about him. Kenny cared too much. It was sweet.

“Yeah, well…” He shoved his hands into his pockets and almost looked sheepish. My heart skipped a beat and I told myself it was because Stan took that moment to lean out of his window.

“Hey Kenny,” he called in greeting. “Kyle, come over once you’re done.” 

“Alright, Stan?” Kenny raised a hand in greeting, but his usually friendly smile was a little tight around the edges. I frowned, not understanding why Kenny, who liked everyone, would have a problem with my boyfriend. “I’ll see you tomorrow at school,” Kenny said to me. Without acknowledging Stan further, he sauntered off. I watched until the darkness swallowed him whole before letting myself into Stan’s house. 

“You were out with Kenny again?” 

“I did mention it,” I said with a sigh. Stan rarely bothered to listen anymore. His mind was always elsewhere but, whenever I asked, he said it was nothing. 

“Oh. I forgot. I was hoping we could hang out tonight.” 

“It’s kinda late now.” 

“Yeah, well, I though’t you’d be back hours ago.”

I knew where this was heading and I didn’t want to end up in another fight with him, so I leaned over and kissed Stan. He responded with fire, leaning heavily into the kiss, pinning my arms to my side as he wrapped his arms around me. It was unexpected. It was nice. 

But… somehow… it was also felt wrong. 

 

“So, what do y’wanna watch?” Kenny asked, peering at the posters that lined Bijou’s walls. 

“Like we have much of a choice,” I laughed. Bijou was a small cinema, big enough for two screens. Our only options were a chick flick or a gory horror. 

“You’re right,” Kenny said, linking his arm through mine. “Chick flick it is.” 

There were a lot of teenage girls in the cinema, most of them younger than us. I frowned as we finally found an empty seat. 

“Do you know what it’s about?”

“Nope.” Kenny popped the P in that annoyingly adorable way of his. “But judging from the audience, it’s the sort of thing Karen’s going to kill me for seeing without her.”

“Shouldn’t we watch the horror then?”

“No way, dude. You hate horrors.” I smiled. I couldn’t help it. Stan was never as considerate about my feelings. 

It turned out the film was about a gay kid coming out. Neither of us had seen that coming. What we also hadn’t seen coming was how enthralled with the story we both were, and how invested we became with the romance between Simon and Blue. By the end of the film I was subtly dabbing at my eyes, a huge smile across my face. 

“I saw that.” I felt Kenny’s hot breath against my ear and shivered. I punched his shoulder. 

“I had something in my eye, jackass.” 

“Of course you did.” He shrugged on his parka as the credits began rolling. “Man, I didn’t expect to enjoy that so much. Kare-bear will be happy; if I’d hated it there was no way I would have gone back to see it with her.” 

“Liar,” I said. Kenny would do anything for his little sister. Including sit through a film he hated. He shoved me gently as we filed out with the swarms of crying teenage girls. I spotted Wendy Testaburger in the crowd and lowered my head. She still glared at me every time she spotted me. Noticing my sudden discomfort, Kenny glanced over and spotted the girl in purple behind us. Before I could say anything, he pushed me against the wall, allowing the shadows to eat us. Wendy passed without noticing us. 

Kenny was pressed right up against me, our chests touching. He was taller than me by a good five inches, his forehead leant down, pressing against mine. My eyes were locked on his, wide in shock. My stomach was doing somersault. 

“Um… dude, she’s gone,” I managed to squeak out eventually. My voice was embarrassingly high pitched. 

“So she is.” Kenny gave an easy smile and stepped away from me, but not before I noticed something flicker in his eyes. I couldn’t tell what it was, but it made my heart hammer in my chest all the same. 

“Uh, what was that about?”

“Wendy’s been giving you a hard time, right? I didn’t think it would help matters if she spotted us out together, especially considering the film we all just watched. Wouldn’t want her to get the wrong idea, right?” 

I hated how logical his reasoning was. I hated that I wished he’d said something else and I especially hated that I didn’t understand why I would wish such a thing. I was in love with Stan. I was happy with Stan. 

(Except I wasn’t.)

“Come on, dude. Let’s go.” I followed Kenny out of the cinema, wiping the sweat from my palms on my pants, my head and heart all kinds of screwed up. 

 

“Can I tell you fella’s a secret?” We were round Cartman’s, lounging in the living room with ample bags of open chips and cookies between us. Cartman was sprawled across the sofa, with Butters leaning against it from his place on the floor. Kenny and I were stretched out on the carpet, Kenny’s head resting on my chest, tongue poking out in concentration as he played a game on Cartman’s 3DS. He paused the game as the nervous request escaped Butters lips and sat up. I involuntarily missed him, which was stupid because he was still right there next to me. 

“What’s up, Butterscotch?” 

“Gee, well, I haven’t told anyone this yet. Especially not my parents because they’d be awfully sore an’ would probably ground me…” Butters rambled when he was nervous. He ran his pink nails through the hair he’d been growing out for the last year and glanced around nervously at all of us, his cheeks flushing brighter pink as he twisted his head to glance at Cartman behind him. Sensing his discomfort, Cartman leaned forward, threading his fingers in the locks of blond in an unusually tender gesture. I’d been wondering about their relationship for a while now; perhaps Butters was about to come out? 

Butters opened and closed his mouth but no words came out. 

“You’re a girl, right?” Kenny asked casually, helping out. Cartman’s hands stilled in Butters hair for the briefest of moments before they continued threading through the golden locks. 

Trust Kenny to see what I’d been oblivious to. It was so obvious now that it was out there, though. I couldn’t believe I’d missed it. 

“Is that okay?” Butters asked in a tiny voice. 

Kenny leaned forward and pressed a kiss against Butters cheek. “Why wouldn’t it be, Butterfly?” 

“Dude, of course it’s fine,” I said. Like I gave a fuck what gender my friends were. Butters could have announced she was an alien and I wouldn’t have bat an eyelid. I was just ashamed I hadn’t noticed it earlier, especially seeing as Kenny seemed to have long since figured it out. 

All our gazes fell on Cartman. If anyone was going to have an issue with our friends revelation it would surely be that asshole. 

Surprisingly, he smiled. “‘Bout time you told us, dumbass.”

“…You don’t… care?”

“Why the fuck would I care, Marjorine?” 

We all stared dumbfounded at him. 

“AY! Enough of that. We gonna order pizza or what?” Just like that, the spell was broken and everything went back to normal. 

 

Stan was busy on our one year anniversary. He said he’d drop round mine sometime after midnight. So, basically, after the event was over. I was used to this sort of behaviour by now but I’d thought, on an occasion such as this, he’d have made an effort to be there for me. 

Instead of cuddling up with my boyfriend with a takeout from City Wok and a bad movie as I’d hoped, I spent our anniversary doing my homework. I was so pissed off I’d already accidentally snapped a pen in half and, moving on to the safer option of using a pencil, had repeatedly snapped the lead, resulting in having to sharpen it roughly every fifteen minutes. It was considerably shorter than when I had started. 

When my computer beeped, I glanced up from my text book to see the group chat I had with Kenny, Cartman and Marjorine was alive. 

**KingEric:** _So howd it go bby?_

We had spent lunch break at school today showering encouragement on Marjorine who had decided she wanted to tell her parents not only about her gender but also her new (and, okay, this time I totally called it!) relationship with Cartman. In my disappointment with Stan cancelling our evening I had momentarily forgotten. 

**Kyle:** _Yeah, tell all. I need some good news._

 **Sexyandyouknowit:** _Oh no x_

 **Kyle:** _Goddamnit, Ken. Sexyandyouknowit? Really?_

 **Sexyandyouknowit:** _Y’all know it’s true_

 **KingEric:** _Fucking hell get a room u fags_

 **Kyle:** _Go to Hell, Fatass_

 **KingEric:** _Im not fat u fucking Jew_

 **Kyle:** _You’re an asshole, though._

 **KingEric:** _Fuck u_

_KingEric is typing…_

_So whats that asshole done now?_

**Kyle:** _He’s not an asshole_

 **KingEric:** _Couldve fooled me._

**Sexyandyouknowit:** _He’s a bit of an ass. It’s your anniversary, what’s he done now?_

 **Kyle:** _Practise_

**KingEric:** _Oh that bastard_

 **Sexyandyouknowit:** _what the fuck? Are you alone? I’m coming over x_

 **Kyle:** _No don’t bother, Ken. I’m fine. He’ll be here some time after midnight_

 **Sexyandyouknowit:** _Midnight?! I’m gonna kill him._

 **KingEric:** _Ill join u. Gotta get my kicks somehow_

 **Kyle:** _Don’t you fucking dare do anything Cartman!_

 **Sexyandyouknowit:** _I’m still coming over. See you in 10 x_

_**KingEric** changed **Sexyandyouknowit** name to **BonerforKyle**_

**BonerforKyle:** _Fuck you, Cartman._

_**Kyle** changed **BonerforKyle** name to **Kenny**_

**KingEric:** _Screw you guys. Im gonna phone Marji. She’s probably grounded or some shit_

**Kyle:** _keep us updated, okay?_

**KingEric:** _Whatevr_

By the time I closed the chat group, Kenny was climbing through my window. 

“You could use the door, you know.” 

“Doors are boring.” 

“Clearly. I told you not to come.” 

“You think I was going to leave you alone? You can lie to yourself all you want. _I_ know you better.” He crushed me into a hug then. I hadn’t realised I needed it, but as soon as his arms wrapped around me I realised just how hurt I was by Stan’s behaviour. I was used to him cancelling but I had thought our anniversary, at least, would mean something. 

“He’s probably only going to show up for a quick fuck and then clear off,” I mumbled into Kenny’s chest. His hands threaded into my red curls and I instantly felt better about everything. 

“He’s an asshole. Don’t let him in.” 

I wished it were that easy. 

I swear Kenny can sometimes read my mind. He pulled away just enough that he could rest his forehead on mine, staring me right in the eyes. My heart flipped at the intensity in those beautiful blue eyes. “It really can be that easy, Kyle. You shouldn’t have to put up with this shit. You deserve better.” 

“Maybe I don’t.” My voice came out quiet. I was having a hard time not staring at Kenny’s lips. This was Kenny McCormick for Gods sake! My best friend and the biggest flirt in South Park. Kissing him should be the last thing on my mind. I had a boyfriend for a start. Even if he was a colossal asshole. 

There was suddenly fire in those soft eyes. His hands cupped my cheeks and I caught a brief glance of orange nail polish, courtesy of Marjorine at lunch today. 

“Fuck that. Of course you deserve better. You’re Kyle fucking Broflovski and you are awesome. You deserve the world, Kyle. You deserve someone who will give you theirs.” 

I gulped. 

Our eyes were locked with the sort of intensity I no longer felt with Stan. Where his fingers touched my flesh, I felt electricity. My heart was thudding erratically in my chest. My mouth was so goddamn dry. 

Kenny moved his head slightly, tilting it forward. My eyes fluttered. 

**Buzzz**

My phone vibrating on the desk broke the magic. We sprung apart from one another, our cheeks flushed, our eyes looking anywhere but each other. 

It took me a minute to remember my phone was ringing. I picked it up with shaking fingers. _Stan._

“Hey babe. I’m about to leave. I know it’s earlier than I said.” I pulled my cell away from my ear to check the time. It was quarter to eleven. 

“Oh! Yeah, okay. I’ll be here,” I said a little too quickly. I glanced at Kenny but he refused to meet my eyes. 

As I hung up, Kenny’s phone buzzed with a message. He checked his screen, frowning deeply as he read whatever it was he’d just received. 

“Everything okay?” I asked nervously. I couldn’t believe we’d almost kissed. I couldn’t believe I’d wanted to kiss him. It was bullshit! Everything was so fucked up. 

“Uh, yeah, s’fine. I need to get going anyway.” He moved swiftly over to the window and only turned back to me when he was halfway out of it. “Remember what I said, okay?” 

How was I meant to forget? 


	2. Kenny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, thank you so much for all the Kudos!! <3
> 
> I found Kyle’s chapter so easy to write and then... this one so fucking hard :( So apologies if it’s awful but I think that’s the best I’m going to get without starting again from scratch and I just don’t have the patience right now

_Fuck._

I couldn’t believe I’d almost kissed Kyle Broflovski. I mean, what the fuck? I was meant to be ignoring my own goddamn feelings in favour of respecting his. Lying to myself and hiding my feelings was something I excelled at. It was something I did every damn day of my worthless life, for Christ sake! Except, it was getting harder. And, I mean, if Stan was going to insist on being as ass and not realising what he had then why the hell shouldn’t I? 

I could barely even look at Kyle as he answered his phone. I knew from his expression that it was Stan and damn, if that didn’t piss me off!

As Kyle hung up, my own phone buzzed. I pulled the old thing out from my pocket, squinting past the shattered screen to read the new message, my brow furrowing. 

_Get your poor ass here asap. alone. urgent. Bout ur bf_

What the hell did Cartman want now? I assumed ‘my boyfriend’ referred to Kyle because that asshole didn’t miss a trick. But what did he want to talk about that he couldn’t say to Kyle? I thought they were getting on okay. Sure, they ripped on each other relentlessly but I figured that was more out of habit than anything else. Had I missed something? Had their interaction on the chat gone south while I was walking? 

“Everything okay?” Kyle asked. I could feel his eyes on me, watching. I couldn’t bring myself to look up into them. I might never leave if I did and I _had_ to leave. Stan was coming. It probably wouldn’t look good if he found me in his boyfriends’ room this late at night. 

“Uh, yeah, ‘fine. I need to get going anyway.” I backed up towards the window, swinging my body through it. I couldn’t leave like this, though. I needed Kyle to consider what I’d told him, not for my own sake but for _his_. He _did_ deserve better. Maybe not me (was I really better?) but definitely someone who wouldn’t let him down again and again like fucking Marsh kept doing. “Remember what I said, okay?” I met his eyes. God, those large, green orbs were so fucking gorgeous. With the light hitting them as it did, there were flecks of gold in them, too. I could look in those eyes forever and never get bored. It took everything I had to tear away from them and shimmy down to the ground. 

It only took me a minute to reach Cartman’s. I let myself in. Cartman was far too lazy to answer the door and it’s not like his mom gave a fuck either way. 

“Keeney?” I heard him call from upstairs. Sighing at the poor pronunciation that basically slaughtered my name, I followed his yell to his bedroom. He was lying on his bed, holding his phone above him. As he glanced my way, the screen titled and I spied Marjorine. 

“Hey you two,” I said, leaning casually against the wall. “‘Sup?” 

“Well, hey there Ken~” Marjorine’s voice came through the speaker. “I should let you two chat. If my parent’s catch me on FaceTime there’ll be heck to pay.”

“They grounded you?” I asked.

“Aw, well, they didn’t mind so much ‘bout me being a girl an’ all, but they were awfully sore about Eric.” 

“Fuck ‘em,” Cartman grumbled. “They’ll just have to accept it.” 

“Aw, gee, I’m sure they will do bud but only if you. _Behave._ ” 

“Ugh.”

“Now, Eric, please don’t make this any more difficult than it needs to be, okay, sweetie?”

“Don’t worry, Marji. I’ll kick some sense into him,” I said, smirking. Man, it was weird seeing them two interact like a loving couple. I didn’t think anyone could love Cartman but Marjorine was quickly proving me wrong. It was kinda… cute I guess. Gross too. More gross. I couldn’t lie, though, I was kinda jealous. 

As they whispered sweet goodbyes to each other, I decided that yes, it was definitely more gross than cute. 

Finally Cartman hung up. Rolling his body, he sat up, throwing his legs over the edge. 

“So, what’s up?” I stuffed my hands into my pockets, hiding the orange nails that Marji had painstakingly painted for me at lunch, much to the amusement of Kevin and David. I couldn’t imagine what rubbish he was going to sprout but, knowing Cartman, it was going to be interesting. Surprisingly, he actually looked a little uncomfortable. I frowned. “Seriously, dude. What’s up?”

“Well, the thing is, Marji saw something from her window. We weren’t sure what to do so we thought it’d be best just to tell you and let you decide, y’know, since you have such a boner for the guy.” 

“Jesus, Cartman…” I sighed but didn’t argue. With Cartman, there was no point. Besides, it wasn’t like he was wrong. “Look, just tell me what she saw.”

I kinda already suspected what he was going to say, though. Marji had spotted something that affected Kyle that they didn’t want to break it to him. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out. As much as I’d hoped I was wrong, I had suspected it myself since that first cinema trip all those months ago. 

“She spotted Wendy and Stan together. Something about it looking like Stan was walking her home, dude. They were holding hands. They kissed. Basically, he’s a real cunt.” 

I’d known what was coming, I’d suspected it myself and yet, hearing the words… God, it made me angry. I felt fire swirl around in my chest and was overcome with the sudden urge to hit something. I made do with Cartman’s chest of drawers. 

“Wow, man. Can you not break my furniture? Here.” He tossed me a pillow and I took my anger out on that for a minute, surprised that by the time I’d finished it was still in one piece. It was a miracle I hadn’t torn it to shreds and covered Cartman’s carpet in feathers. 

“So, what’re you gonna do?” Cartman asked when I’d finally calmed down enough to listen.

“I’m gonna go punch Stan.”

“Good plan. You gonna tell Kyle?”

“Only if Stan doesn’t first.”

“Like fuck he’s gonna do that.”

“Oh, he will when I’m through with him,” I promised. Cartman smirked and I know he didn’t doubt me for a second. 

“Give him hell, McCormick.” 

 

As angry as I was, I couldn’t bring myself to ruin Kyle’s night. Whether or not he would thank me for that I wasn’t sure but what was I going to do, anyway? Burst in through the window and interrupt what I was sure was happening? I didn’t think I could handle that and I didn’t think Kyle would ever be able to look me in the face again. I definitely couldn’t handle _that._

The night was long and I didn’t get any sleep. I ended up climbing through Tweek Tweak’s window as he was the only person I could guarantee would still be awake that late (or, that early, I guess?). He screamed at me in greeting, tugging at his wild hair as if ripping it from its roots would make me vanish again. 

“GAH! What do you want, McCormick?! We’re not – _nngh!_ – hooking up again.”

“Relax, Tweekers. I heard you were back together with Craig. Congrats. Actually, I just wanted some company for a bit, I’ve had a rough night.”

The blond eyed me suspiciously, twitching away as he nursed a mug of coffee. Finally, he sighed and patted the foot of his bed. “What’s up, man?” 

I debated telling him the truth. It would be nice to talk to someone about it all. Maybe get some advice on the correct way to handle the situation. Then again, this was Tweek Tweak. He’d probably scream about too much pressure and kick me out. 

Instead I went with something else. A truth that wasn’t completely true. By that, I mean it was true but it wasn’t something that bothered me even a little bit, let alone enough to class my night as ‘rough’. 

“Red won’t stop texting me,” I said. “I don’t think she understands that hooking up isn’t the same as dating. It’s getting annoying, dude. Can you get Craig to talk to her?” 

“Gah! She won’t listen to him, man. They hate each other!” 

“Aw but they’re family~!”

“Jesus Christ that doesn’t mean anything, man. Not everyone has as good a relationship as you and Karen.” If he thought I didn’t know that then he really didn’t know me very well. I might have had an excellent relationship with my little sister but my relationship with my older brother and parents bordered on physically abusive. Not even bordered. It was. 

“Well maybe _you_ could talk to her, Tweekers?”

“What? No way, man! That’s way too much pressure!” Tweek tugged one handed at his hair, the other bringing his gigantic mug to his lips to gulp down some coffee. I swear the root to all those boys problems were at the bottom of that bloody mug. “You just need to be straight with her. Tell her you’re not interested, man.” 

“But what if she really likes me?”

“ _Nngh_ ,” he shuddered, “if you don’t like her back then you don’t like her, man. Simple as. You can’t live a lie for the sake of someone else’s happiness.”

“Says the boy who was in a fake relationship for months because of the towns happiness,” I countered lightly. Oh, I knew all about the beginnings of Tweek and Craig’s now real relationship. I make it my business to know everything that happens around South Park. If it wasn’t for the fact that I was in way too deep with Kyle, I’d have probably known about Stan and Wendy ages ago. As it happened, I refused to see it because I didn’t want to see Kyle hurt. 

“That was different, man!” I failed to see how, but I didn’t argue. Tweek was the sort of person you had to be careful around. I didn’t want to push him too far. Beside’s, he was right. I couldn’t let Kyle live a lie just so he could be happy. He deserved more than that. 

“You’re right. I’ll speak to her tomorrow at school,” I said, leaning forward to press a kiss on Tweek’s cheek. He screamed, pulling back like I’d electrocuted him. I laughed. “You’re the best, Tweek.” 

If I’d had any doubt at all of confronting Stan, it was gone. 

 

I waited until school was out before I cornered Stan. I didn’t want to risk Kyle finding out the truth during school hours and screwing up the important test he had that afternoon. Besides, it was a Friday. If I could get Stan to tell him that night, he’d have the entire weekend to digest the news and hopefully feel able to brave school by the time Monday rolled around. 

“I need to talk to you,” I said as he paused at his locker.

“Kenny?” He looked surprised but apparently I’d managed to keep my tone in check enough that he wasn’t worried. “Sure. Can it wait? I’ve got practise – ”

“I need to talk to you _now_ ,” I amended and, finally, a flicker of concern crossed his eyes. 

“Uh, sure, okay.” I led him behind the school, to my usual hook up/smoking area. It was, as I’d suspected it would be, deserted. “So, um, what’s up?” He tried to smile and it just pissed me off. Before he could even blink, I swung my body forward, landing a punch square in his jaw. He stumbled backwards, hand flying up to rub the tender spot. “Dude, what the fuck?!” 

“I think you _know_ what the fuck,” I growled. Stan’s eyes widened in horror as it occurred to him what I was angry about. His hand froze mid rub and he stared at me as if someone had shoved a fucking pike through my head. Well, it wouldn’t be the first time…

“Does Kyle know?” he all but whispered. I hated the relief that washed across his face as I shook my head. 

“He will know, though,” I said, struggling to keep my voice under control. “Either you tell him, or I will. Do it tonight.”

“Tonight?” Stan gulped audibly. 

“Oh, sorry. Is that _inconvenient_ for you? You seeing your _girlfriend_?” 

“Oh fuck off, Kenny,” Stan snapped, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’re loving this, I’m sure.” 

“Oh yes, I’m just ecstatic that you’re going to be breaking Kyle’s heart,” I said sarcastically. My teeth were grinding together loudly, my gaze stabbing daggers into the noirette in front of me. I was so angry with him. This guy standing in front of me wasn’t the Stan Marsh I remembered from my childhood. He was a stranger, an asshole, and just somebody I desperately wanted to punch again. Realising I was very close to doing just that, I took a step backwards, keeping my trembling fists to my side. 

“Look,” I said, “just make sure you do it. And send me a text when it’s done. I think Kyle’ll need some company.”

“Planning to jump in my place in the bed?” Stan asked sourly and I couldn’t help it. I saw red. I flew at him, landing another punch before he could catch my fist. His own punch landed in my gut, winding me. He didn’t go for another. “Look, man. I’m sorry. I fucked up.” To his credit, he did sound sorry. He did sound like he really believed he’d fucked up. It didn’t make me want to punch him any less. “I’ll do it. .” 

As if showing good faith, he let go of my fist. I debated punching him again for good measure but I didn’t think it would really make me feel any better. It would probably just make me want to punch him more. I brought my arm back to my side. 

“Make sure you do,” I said and, with that, I walked away.

 

That evening seemed to drag on forever. I kept my phone in my hand, staring at it, _waiting_. I was both desperate to get the message and hoping beyond hope that I wouldn’t. What kind of person did it make me that I wanted to be the one to tell Kyle after all? I _wanted_ Stan to chicken out and leave me to pick up his mess. I wanted to be able to hold Kyle in my arms when he learnt just how big of an ass his boyfriend was. God, that made me awful. I was _awful_. 

Despite expecting it, when my phone finally vibrated, it made me jump. I almost dropped it; I was pretty sure that the beat up hunk of crap couldn’t survive another drop. Unfortunately, my phone wasn’t as resilient as me and I didn’t have the cash for a replacement. 

_It’s done._

‘It’s done.’ That’s all he sent. He didn’t warn me as to what to expect, didn’t try and apologise, didn’t even get pissed off at me for putting him in an impossible situation. I sighed. It was probably better that way.

Getting to my feet, I poked my head around Karen’s door. She was still awake, sleepily scrolling through her facebook timeline. The screen light illuminated her face in the otherwise dark room. She had bags under her eyes and I felt my heart pang. Our parents had spent the previous two nights getting drunk and high and having flaming arguments. I hoped, for my sisters sake, that tonight would be quiet. 

“I’m going out, Kare-bear,” I said gently. “You’ll be okay?” 

She peered up at me from behind her phone screen, eyes so wide with concern I almost decided to stay at home with her. “Where are you going?” 

“Stan’s been cheating on Kyle,” I told her. I never lied to my sister. 

“Poor Kyle,” she whispered. “Go. I’ll be fine. Kyle needs you more than I do.” 

I didn’t know what I’d done to deserve such a fucking amazing sister. I probably _didn’t_ deserve her. If anything, she deserved a better big brother but, seeing as I was what she was stuck with, I always tried my best to be the best damn brother in the world. 

“You sure?” I came further into the room. I was so conflicted between seeing Kyle and looking out for Karen. They both meant the world to me, how was I meant to chose between them? 

“Of course I’m sure, Ken,” she said. “I’ll barricade my door, just in case. Just… you be careful, okay?” My sister didn’t know about all my deaths… or, at least, I didn’t think she did. Sometimes she looked at me with worry in her eyes, as if every second could be my last. It broke my heart to see her looking at me like that. She was still just a child, only thirteen. She didn’t deserve to carry my burdens around with her, she had enough on her plate as it was what with our fuck ups we loathed to call parents and our older brother who was just as big a dick as they were. 

“I’m always careful, Kare,” I said lightly. “If you’re sure, I’ll see you in the morning, okay?” I leant down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

I didn’t deserve Karen but I was sure as hell glad I had her in my life. 

Kyle’s window was open when I arrived, almost as if he’d expected me, though I doubt that was the case. I let myself inside a little more hesitantly than I usually did, not spying the rooms owner until I was fully inside. He was curled up into a tiny ball on his bed, his shoulders shaking. 

“…Kyle?” 

“Did you know?” he asked, his voice muffled from not raising his head from where it was cocooned. Maybe Stan _had_ told him to expect me, after all. I felt my heart sink, sure that this wasn’t going to end how I’d hoped, not that I knew what I had hoped for, exactly. 

“Only for certain yesterday.”

“‘For certain,’” Kyle repeated, finally looking up at me with large, imploring, red eyes. “You’ve always looked at him with distrust. Hate maybe. How long have you suspected?”

I didn’t know how to answer that honestly. How long had I suspected? I knew he was lying about _something_ from the very beginning. That first cinema trip with Kyle, Stan had stood him up because of ‘practise’. I knew that was bullshit because I’d just come from Token Black’s house and they wouldn’t get very far without their quarterback.

Stan had been one of my childhood best friends, though, and I _knew_ that he adored Kyle so I’d ignored the warning signs. I’d let myself be tricked just as Kyle had, except I’d been the one doing the tricking. 

“Well?”

“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “I’ve known he was lying since the beginning but, I promise you, Kyle, I didn’t know he was cheating. Maybe I suspected, but I was sure that he–”

“-Get out,” Kyle interrupted, his voice colder than I’d ever heard it. 

“Kyle?” I felt as if he’d punched me in the gut. His eyes were locked onto mine, icy and fiery all at once. I’d thought I was going to be comforting him but instead I was starting to suspect I was the one who needed the comfort.

“I can’t deal with your bullshit right now, Kenny. I’ve got enough of that already without yours. I thought I could trust you.”

“Kyle, you can!”

“Oh, clearly.” 

I wanted to protest. I want to say something, _anything_ , that would make him realise that anything stupid I’d done, I’d done it for him. I didn’t have the words, though. I couldn’t formulate the sentences. I didn’t have the strength to face those angry eyes and sharp tongue again. So I left. I left Kyle alone, unsure of whether Stan had hurt him more… Or, if I had… 

 

I didn’t have any classes with Kyle but I was pretty sure he wasn’t at school on Monday. This was confirmed when I sat at his lunch table, as I had done nearly every day for the past four months. 

“Have you guys seen Kyle?”

Heidi gave me a cool look. “No,” she said bluntly. 

“He’s not at school,” David said helpfully though he, too, was looking at me as if I’d just carried something dead over to their table. Kevin just glared at me without saying a word. Only Marjorine offered me a small smile. She was sitting next to Cartman, who had joined their table recently much to everyone’s, apart from Marji’s, annoyance. Currently, though, he seemed more welcome than I. He just gave me a shrug, I wasn’t sure what to make of it. 

Whether they had seen Kyle or not, they had definitely spoken to him. And, apparently, they agreed with him that I was a colossal waste of space. I shouldn’t have been surprised. It wasn’t like they were wrong. 

Standing up again, I clumsily threw my bag over my shoulder and left. 

 

_I fucked up  
I’m sorry, Kyle x_

_Please talk to me x_

_I’ll be here when you’re ready x_

 

Almost a whole week had passed since Kyle had kicked me out of his bedroom and I hadn’t heard a word from him. He hadn’t been in school, or, he had been and had just become an expert in avoiding me. It wouldn’t have surprised me. It certainly wouldn’t have surprised me any more than Kyle purposefully skipping school. 

I’d sent him message after message but they hadn’t even been read, let alone replied too. I’d kind of just gotten to the point where I’d accepted that I’d screwed up too much. There was no going back. No saying I’m sorry. I had hurt Kyle too much with my lies, however unintentional they’d been. I’d screwed up as much as Stan.

Talking of Stan…

It was a Friday evening and I was aimlessly walking through South Park, no destination in mind. It wasn’t something I did a lot; aimless wandering tended to get me killed. But I couldn’t get out of my own head and I couldn’t sit still and I was just going mental listening to my parents scream at one another. 

Eventually, I found myself at Stark’s Pond. That’s where I found him, drunk off his ass, working his way through what looked to be his second six pack. _Stan Marsh._

He spotted me before I could decide what to do. 

“Kenny,” he called me over, patting the grass besides him over enthusiastically. Shoving my hands deep into my pockets, I slouched over. “The grass don’t bite,” he slurred when I didn’t sit immediately. “‘Neitha do I. ‘Less you wanna.” God, he was so drunk, his words blending together, making them hard to understand. 

“Don’t tell me Wendy broke up with you, too?” I asked, sitting down and accepting the beer he practically shoved into my face. 

“Nah, man,” he said. 

“Then what? She less appealing now that she’s not a dirty little secret?” Stan’s brow furrowed as if he were having difficulties riddling out my words. 

“Fuck you,” he snapped finally. “Me ‘n Wends are cool.”

“Hm.” I took a long swig of beer. It was strong stuff. Stan meant business. 

“I fucked up real bad, Ken,” Stan said after a long enough silence that I finished my beer and moved onto another. 

“That you did, man.”

“Kyle hates me.”

“Doesn’t he have every right?”

“Well… yeah… but.” He didn’t finish his argument. Instead he sniffed. Oh crap, he was going to start blubbering on me!

“He hates me too,” I said, in hopes that that news might cheer him up. It wasn’t that I cared that he was depressed, I just didn’t want to deal with his crying. “What did you tell him, man?”

“Jus’ that it was you who gave me the bruises,” he said, “an’ that it was you who told me to tell ‘im.” That wasn’t as bad as I’d imagined. I’d been picturing Stan making up a load of rubbish to try and shift some of the blame off of himself. 

I finished my beer and started another. Stan didn’t seem with it enough to realise I was quickly depleting his stash. 

“Why’d you cheat on him?”

Stan ran a hand sloppily through his hair. I had no idea where his trademark hat was because it wasn’t on his head. He was probably going to be pissed off when he sobered up if he’d lost it during his drunken wallowing. “I dunno,” he slurred. “I guess… I didn’ wanna hurt him.”

“That makes zero sense, asshole.”

“Oh fuck off! If I admitted I’d fucked up, didn’ wanna be with him, it would’ve hurt him. An’ I kinda _did_ wanna be with him. I jus’ wanted Wendy too.” 

“You selfish prick,” I snapped. Was he really trying to tell me he cheated on Kyle because he didn’t want to hurt him? What kind of nonsensical bullshit was that? 

“You’re just pissed off ‘cus you blew your shot, too. I know you want him.”

“I want what’s _best_ for him,” I said, gritting my teeth. “If that means I can’t be with him then that’s fine. As long as he’s happy.” 

Stan laughed, long and loud, as if I’d cracked some hilarious joke. “You keep telling yourself that, buddy,” he slurred finally, wiping tears from his eyes. I was really starting to regret sitting with him, I just wanted to punch him again. Drunk Stan was worse than his manchild of a father.

I stood abruptly, tossing down my almost empty bottle. 

“Can’t handle the truth, huh, McCormick?” 

“Oh fuck off, Marsh. You’re drunk. Just go back to wallowing in self pity and leave me out of it.”

“So you’re telling me you don’t want Kyle?” He stumbled to his feet, swaying unsteadily. It looked like he was rearing for a fight just as much as I was. 

“Maybe I do. What of it?”

“Fuckin’ knew it.”

Unsteadily, he lumbered forward, punching me in the chin. I could have easily avoided the blow but he’d wound me up enough that I wanted him to give me an excuse to hit him. Seemingly very pleased with himself, Stan smirked as he watched me rub and click my jaw. 

“Got that out of your system?” I asked, keeping eye contact. As Stan opened his mouth, I launched at him, knocking him to the ground and landing hit after hit into his annoyingly perfect face. I bust open his lips, hating the fact that he’d used them to kiss Kyle after kissing Wendy. I landed another blow to nose, causing it to bleed but, unfortunately, not break. 

Slamming his own fist into my side, winding me, Stan rolled me underneath him and returned the favour, except my nose actually did break. I felt warm blood gush down, catching in the crevice of my lips. I licked it away, and caught Stan’s stomach with my feet, shoving him off me. He fell onto his back and didn’t stir, gazing up at the stars while blood dripped from his nose, down the side of his face, staining the grass he laid on. 

“No wonder Kyle doesn’t want anything to do with us,” I sighed. I could imagine the horror in Kyle’s eyes if he could see us now. 

“Yeah, neither of us deserve him.”

“I guess not.” I wiped a hand under my nose, wiping at the blood and wincing. Stan had done a real number on me. If I could feel it now, I hated to think how sore I’d be after the alcohol worked its way out of my system. “Come on, let’s get you home.” A part of me just wanted to leave Stan here, drunk out of his mind, bleeding in the grass but I couldn’t do it. Even if Kyle never knew about what happened here, I imagined his disappointment if I left Stan alone and it was enough to help me heave the slightly shorter boy to his feet. 

I half carried Stan out of the woods. It was only when we were safe on flatter ground that he pushed me away, citing his legs that worked ‘perfectly fine, thank you asshole’. 

“Fine,” I said, throwing my hands up. “Fine! Get home by yourself.” 

I stepped out into the road and suddenly I was flying through the air. It happened so quickly I barely even felt the impact of the car. One minute I was pissed off, trying to walk away from Stan and the next I was lying in a heap on the side of the road. _Of course_ the asshole driver sped away. I was just Kenny. Who the fuck cared if they killed Kenny?!

“Kenny!” Stan seemed to sober up instantly, suddenly by my side, his eyes wide with panic. His fingers fumbled for his phone and I somehow managed to move an arm to stop him. 

“I’m fine,” I said, tasting blood on my lips. 

“No you’re not!” He was crying, his eyes checking out my bodies new damage, the stuff he himself hadn’t inflicted. I must have looked pretty bad, going by his expression. 

“I am,” I argued, my words slurring though I wasn’t sure whether that was due to the alcohol or, y’know... _dying_. Somehow I made it to my feet, swaying worse than he had been minutes before. “I’m fucking alive, aren’t I?” I was being a dick but I needed Stan to leave because I knew what it felt like to be dying and I didn’t want him to witness that in his current intoxicated state, asshole or not. 

“Kenny – ” he trailed off, apparently not knowing what to say. His hands were still trembling so much, his eyes huge and watery as he stared at me. 

I felt something damp slide down my forehead and I wobbled again. 

“I’m fine,” I said as fiercely as I could manage. “I’m going home.” 

I nearly face planted the sidewalk as I took a step forward. Everything hurt and the world was growing gradually darker, swimming in and out of focus. I didn’t have long. 

“Let me – ” He reached for me.

“Go home, Stan!” I snapped. “I don’t want your fucking help!” His hand halted mid reach and then dropped, landing uselessly at his side. He stared at me for a minute before his eyes clouded over and he frowned. 

“Fine, be like that.” He stormed past me, speed walking in the direction of his home. I wasn’t sure whether I’d convinced him I was alright or whether he was so pissed off he didn’t care that I was about to drop down dead. I wasn’t sure which one I’d rather. 

I managed to hold myself upright until Stan was out of sight. As soon as I was alone, my legs buckled and I dropped heavily to the floor, my head slamming into the pavement. The world dimmed even more. I could only see about a metre in front of me. Gritting my teeth against the pain, I watched my blood stain the pavement. Getting hit by a car sucked, especially when it didn’t kill me straight away. I hated slow deaths, they were the worst. Dying alone, too, sucked. But maybe I deserved this. I deserved to die alone. I was a shitty human being and shitty human beings deserved shitty deaths. 

My breathing was shallow. I could only see the blur of red now and soon that, like everything else, was gone too. 

 

I woke to the sound my my phone chiming. Groaning, I opened my eyes, letting my ceiling swim into focus. As my senses came back I touched my nose. It was still broken. _Great._ Couldn’t those sons of bitches fixed that along with all the damage the car did? No, clearly not. That would be too fucking generous. I didn’t deserve any kind of generosity.

Remembering what woke me, I sat up and reached for my shitty phone. It seemed to have exploded with messages over night. 

I clicked on the first one, from Stan. 

_I hope your okay, that car looked like it did a number on you. Sorry I was a drunk moron last night. Let me know how you are dude_

Huh, so he remembered me being hit by a car. I suppose his memory hadn’t needed to be wiped because he hadn’t known I’d died. I ignored his text, still feeling pretty sore. 

The rest were from Kyle. My eyes widened as I scrolled through them. 

_Stan just called me. Please tell me you’re ok? X_

_Kenny?_

_I’m coming over!_

_Damn it, Ken! I’m worried. Stop being a selfish ass! Your mom wouldn’t even let me see you. I need to know you’re alive_

_…You are okay, right? X_

_Kenny, I’m really worried!_

_…Kenny?_

He was worried about me? He cared that I’d been hit by a car? Nobody ever cared about my deaths, it was just something I’d had to accept. It was something shitty that I had to live with, probably for eternity and that sucked, but I was used to it. I didn’t know what to do with that information but, at the same time, I felt my insides warm. Kyle cared. He didn’t hate me after all. 

_I’m sorry. I was sleeping. I’m alive. Can I come round? X_

The reply was almost instant. _I’m actually outside. Let me in? X_

I frowned, checking the time stamp on his text that had claimed he was coming over. He better not have been standing outside for seven hours, damn idiot!

Wriggling into a pair of old jeans, I rushed to the front door, throwing it open. Kyle stood their, puffy eyed and red nosed. His eyes widened as he caught sight of me, alive and relatively well. He threw his arms around me. 

“You look like shit, dude,” he mumbled into my neck as he clung onto me. In that moment I was glad I still had the bruises Stan had inflicted on me. I’d have a lot of questions to answer if I’d have been baby faced after apparently being hit by a car.

“Nice to see you too,” I laughed, clinging onto Kyle tighter. I’d known I’d missed him, but, _goddamn_ , it hadn’t hit me just how much until he was here in my arms. 

“I was so worried,” Kyle said, sobbing into my chest. “Stan said you’d been hit by a fucking car, man! I can’t believe he just left you. And the asshole driver… It’s bullshit!” 

“Hey,” I soothed, pulling away a little so I could see his face. I wiped at his tears, smiling at him. “I’m fine, okay. I just needed a good, long sleep is all.” Kyle frowned sceptically at me, as if he didn’t believe a word. I didn’t really blame him. 

Kyle sniffed, finally nodding. “I’m sorry I’ve been a dick.”

“Hey,” I chided. “I’m the one who should be sorry. You’ve done nothing wrong, okay, dude? I screwed up big time. Hell, you shouldn’t even care if that car killed me.”

It was Kyle’s turn to look affronted. “Of course I’d care! Okay, so yeah, I’m a bit pissed off at you for not telling me your suspicions but that doesn’t mean I want you dead, man! Blood hell, don’t ever think that.” 

I crushed Kyle back against my chest. I couldn’t remember the amount of times I’d died in front of him as a kid and he’d never seemed to care. What I would have given to hear those words come out of any one of my friends mouths when I was a child and still so angry and scared thanks to the curse my fucking parents had landed on me. 

“I’m so sorry,” I repeated over and over again into his hair, my shoulders shaking a little as I tried to hold back my own tears. I’d waited so long for somebody to actually care about me that I didn’t know how to handle it when I was finally granted evidence that somebody actually did. 

I don’t know how long we just stood there, holding one another, sobbing, but it was long enough that when we pulled apart it felt wrong somehow, like a part of me was missing. 

Kyle smiled weakly at me. “I’m gonna head off, okay?” he said, and I felt my heart sink. He was still mad at me. 

“Okay.” I opened the door for him. I didn’t want him to leave. I didn’t want to be alone again. I hated that I couldn’t think of anything to say to keep him with me. 

I watched as he started to walk away. As though he sensed my eyes watching him, he turned and smiled. “Movies tomorrow?” 

I smiled and nodded. 

 

Things improved again after that. Kyle’s friends accepted me back as if they’d never been mad at me. Stan, I noticed, was not afforded this privilege. Kyle’s friend glared daggers at the noirette if he tried to so much as look at Kyle, forming a protective human barricade around him. Kyle didn’t say much one way or the other about how he felt about this. Mostly he kept quiet, keeping his nose in his work. 

“Uh, sorry about Stan or whatever,” Cartman grumbled, clearly uncomfortable at having to say the words, as he welcomed us inside his house on our next catch up.

“Sure you are,” Kyle snorted. He was in a good mood today, though, and his words were light hearted. 

“No, I’m seriously. He’s a dick.”

Kyle paused to stare at Cartman. Judging him serious, Kyle let a small, genuine smile stretch across his lips. 

“Thanks, fatass.” 

“Whatever, Jew fag.” 

Stan wasn’t mentioned again and our evening was very much the same as they had been before. The only thing different was that Kyle drank. He never drank alcohol but that night he did. I held my tongue. It wasn’t my place to question him, not unless I wanted to go straight back into the bad books. 

When we left, Kyle was tipsy. 

“Can we go for a walk?” he asked. “Mom’ll kill me if I come home drunk.” 

“Dude, you’re far from drunk,” I said, but I led him towards the park anyway. His mom was strict and, while he wasn’t off his face, he was clearly giddy. I wasn’t going to be responsible for him getting grounded or anything. 

“Oh man, I haven’t been here in years,” he said, sounding dangerously close to tears as his nostalgia filled green orbs eyed the pirate ship. It was late and the park was empty, so I shepherded him over to it. “Ike used to love this thing!”

“I remember,” I said, climbing up to where the ship wheel was and sitting down. I pulled a cigarette out of my pocket, put it between my lips and then put it back in my pocket, glancing guiltily at Kyle. 

“Dude, you can smoke if you want,” Kyle said, following me up into the ship. We were far too big to sit comfortably but he still squeezed in anyway. As he pressed against me, I decided I certainly wouldn’t be complaining. 

I didn’t take my cigarette out again. 

For a while we didn’t talk. Kyle leaned his head against my shoulder and stared skywards, at the stars. I stared at him. 

“Stan was crazy,” I decided finally, regretting the words as soon as they slipped past my lips. We didn’t talk about Stan. We just pretended that whole, horrible ordeal never happened. 

Kyle turned to look at me. “How so?” he asked after just a moments hesitation. 

“Picking Wendy,” I said, trying to keep my voice casual. I couldn’t imagine having someone like Kyle and fucking it up like Stan had. How could he possibly want Wendy more than Kyle? She had nothing on the red head. 

“If you say so,” Kyle said. I knew he was insecure, thinking that the girl had something he didn’t (other than the obvious, of course.) In that minute I couldn’t bear to let him think he was anything other than perfect. 

“Kyle,” I said, shifting my position to better look at him. “Stan was a fucking moron. You’re ten times the person that Wendy is. You’re amazing, man, and it’s Stan’s loss for not seeing that.”

“You think so?”

“I know so. If I had you I’d never let you go.” The words were out before I’d even realised I was saying them. I felt my cheeks heat up and quickly brought my eyes forward, not wanting to see Kyle’s reaction. Sure, we’d almost kissed that one time, but I assumed he’d have pushed me away before I could have actually locked lips with him. _Fuck._

Kyle didn’t say anything for a long while and I was starting to seriously panic that I’d fucked everything up again when he finally nudged me gently. Audibly gulping, I turned to him. 

“That night,” he said cautiously. “You were going to kiss me, right?” I didn’t need to ask what night he was talking too. I couldn’t believe it was on his mind as well. 

“Uh… yeah.” There was no point lying. Kyle wasn’t an idiot. 

Again he was silent for a while, clearly mauling something over in his head. Finally he nervously licked his lips and I felt my heart thud harder in my chest. He had no right being so fucking cute. 

“Wanna try again?” I just stared at him, sure that I must have misheard. “Uh, never mind…” 

“No,” I caught his wrist as he moved to scuttle away, his cheeks an adorable red. “Dude, you’ve no idea how much I wanna kiss you right now. I _always_ wanna kiss you. But you’re drunk.”

“I thought you said I was far from drunk?” He was so red. It was taking all my willpower not to pull him into my lap and make out with him for the rest of my life. 

“Drunk enough.”

“I feel pretty sober actually,” Kyle said stubbornly. He put his free hand over mine, still clamped around his wrist. 

“How sober?” I asked gently. God, I couldn’t take my eyes off his lips now. They were pretty plump for a boy and very kissable. 

“Sober enough to do this,” he said and he leaned forward and kissed me. It was gentle, his soft lips only grazing mine. It was over way too soon. When he pulled away, he didn’t pull far. The tip of his nose pressed against mine. “I’ve wanted to do that for a while,” he confessed, and, fuck me, my heart basically exploded right there and then. 

Instead of replying, I tilted my head, capturing his lips again in another, fiercer kiss. I teased his mouth open with my tongue and he moaned slightly, his body involuntarily shifting closer to mine. With a noise that was almost a growl, so turned on by his fucking little moan, I pulled him onto my lap, deepening the kiss, my hands threading through his curls. I could have kept kissing him forever if he hadn’t of pulled away to catch his breath. As he panted, I came back to my senses, realising where we were and who I was with. This was _Kyle_ , not some random hookup. I was not going to get carried away with him in a goddamn playground. Kyle deserved better than that. 

I pulled away, aware of how hard I was. Sitting in my lap as he were, there was no way Kyle hadn’t noticed. Damn it. I licked my lips and took a deep breath, trying to curb my excitement. 

“Well that was… unexpected.”

“Bad unexpected or… good?” Kyle sounded worried. I laughed. 

“Good. Very good.”

“Then why are you suddenly acting like you wanna stop?” He was way too good at reading my body language. Why couldn’t he be as clueless as he had been with Marjorine? 

“Believe me,” I said, letting out a small groan as Kyle unintentionally shifted in my lap ( _“sorry!”_ ) “the last thing I want to do is stop. But I have a reputation and I’m not going to add you to a list of people I’ve fucked out in public.” Kyle winced at my words and my heart sunk. “Does it bother you? That I’m a slut?”

“You’re not a slut! I hate that word.”

“Sorry. But does it bother you?”

“That depends what your intentions with me are.”

“You mean, do I want to date you?”

“Do you want to exclusively date me?” Kyle corrected, his eyes boring into mine. 

“Are you kidding?” His gaze dropped and I realised I probably hadn’t started in the best way. Capturing his chin, I tilted his gaze back to meet mine. “Of course I do. If I had you in my life I wouldn’t want to touch another person ever.” 

Kyle smiled. “Then it doesn’t bother me,” he said. “I knew your reputation long before I started liking you, Kenny. I don’t care about your reputation. I care about _you_.” 

I kissed him again. I couldn’t help it. I kept it gentle this time, our lips moving slowly together. I nibbled his bottom lip, earning another sexy moan, before I pulled away. 

“Wow,” Kyle said when he finally reopened his eyes. “If you didn’t have that reputation I doubt you could kiss like _that_.” I gave a throaty chuckle. “I wouldn’t mind discovering what else you’re good at.”

“Well, I give the best blow jobs in South Park, you know,” I said casually, smirking. 

Kyle laughed. “So I’ve heard. I can’t wait, but you’re right, we’re in a park and… well, could we maybe take it slow? I did just come out of a serious relationship.”

“We can take it as slow as you want,” I promised, kissing his cheek. “Come on, I’ll walk you home.” Kyle wiggled out of my lap and I had to hold back another groan. “Just… ah… give me a minute, okay?” 

Kyle laughed and blew me a kiss. _Asshole._ Ignoring my painful erection I climbed to my feet and tackled him into another deep kiss. 

That boy was going to be the death of me. And, hell, I would go down willingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to add a bit about how they forgave Stan and he eventually became part of the gang again as well, but I liked where I ended it and felt it was an uncessary addition. So, yeah, just know that eventually Kyle does forgive Stan. Stan does love him after all, he just wasn’t _in love_ with him.


End file.
